When Your Loved One Struggles with Addiction
It's easy to rationalize what you're seeing. He only drinks at home, so at least he's not drinking and driving. She switched from alcohol to THC edibles—isn't that healthier? The doctor prescribed those pain pills, so how can we blame him for needing them now?
These thoughts are a natural way to cope with a painful reality. But somewhere beneath them, you likely sense that something is deeply wrong.
Recognizing the Reality
The signs of a substance use disorder can range from subtle to impossible to ignore: DUIs, theft, chronic dishonesty, job loss, damaged relationships. Watching someone you love engage in self-destructive behavior is agonizing—especially when they refuse to acknowledge the problem or consider change.
You've tried talking to them. You've expressed your concerns. Nothing has changed. In fact, things may have gotten worse.
So now what?
Understanding Modern Intervention
Some families choose to pursue a formal intervention. If you're picturing the dramatic "gotcha" moments from reality TV or aggressive tactics like "gooning," let me reassure you: that's not what evidence-based intervention looks like today.
Most interventionists now use what's called an invitational approach. Rather than ambushing your loved one, this method involves:
Open communication from the start
The family and concerned individuals meeting together to address the issue
Developing a unified approach and clear boundaries
Informing your loved one that you're working together on this
Creating limits around what you will and won't accept
Supporting one another in stopping enabling behaviors
The goal is connection, clarity, and compassion paired with firm boundaries.
Getting Support for Your Journey
Whether you decide to pursue intervention independently or work with a professional interventionist, I strongly encourage you to seek support for yourself. Consider joining a group like Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, where you can connect with others who understand what you're going through. Therapy may be useful as well.
I also recommend two invaluable resources by Debra Jay: Love First (co-written with Jeff Jay) and It Takes a Family. These books offer guidance that balances love and compassion with the necessity of maintaining boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being.
Remember: You Haven't Failed
Taking care of yourself is essential—before, during, and after an intervention, regardless of the outcome.
If your loved one refuses treatment, it does not mean you have failed. Addiction is a complex disease, and recovery is ultimately their choice to make. What you can control is how you respond, what boundaries you set, and how you care for your own mental and emotional health.
You deserve support. You deserve peace. And you deserve to know that loving someone with addiction doesn't require losing yourself in the process.
If you're navigating a loved one's addiction and need support, please reach out. You don't have to walk this path alone.
